Unspoken Language

“What’s good about being silent is that it lessens the tendency of hurting others, the bad thing is you didn’t realize how keeping silent kills you…”

- From a text message

Another “self-issue” again…

An issue about my HEART…

In matters like this, confusion struck me easily (“ouch” head first)…

And sometimes options make me feel more insane.

In order to end my self drama, I deal with the “what if’s”, the “why not’s”, the “why” and the “how”, but it give me no better answer than the big “I DON’T KNOW”… ewan talaga, hindi ko na alam.

When the person gives me attention… I feel uneasy

When the person disregards me… I feel some pain (at least 25% out of 100)

When the person uses the same defense-mechanism as I do, I am much more affected than he should

When I know that I am not yet ready for commitments, thoughts of giving it a shot enter my mind…

It seems like my mind says “I should not to”

but my heart contradicts saying” I want to” – just for a try.

I hate “guessing games” but I’m playing it right now…no words, only unspoken language and now I’m having a hard time reading between the lines…too bad.

I am aware that I am on a denial mode or maybe I am just afraid to take some risk…I really don’t know?

I know for sure that this is not love not because it doesn’t reconcile with my definition of the word but because the basis is too shallow. Maybe I am just affected by my current situation…of EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN.

I don’t want to get hurt in the process but I don’t want to hurt other’s feeling too, it’s hard protecting your heart while protecting other people heart as well. Either ways, in games like this, one of you will get hurt.

I think I just made an early presumption and created too many expectations, that’s why in the end, the only thing I’ve earned is DISAPPOINTMENT.

My final decision is set, I don’t want to continue with this kind of drama because it’s obviously heading nowhere…I just hope that the process I choose will not cause too much pain on him, I’m actually doing him a favor and he should thank me for that.

Hahaha, now I’m laughing with my FRAGILE HEART showing some signs of cracks…well, thanks for that.

Whoow, and this breaks my SILENCE…