Earlier
this morning, I’ve been in the office to submit my Thank You Letter when sir
Orly asked me: “So, what are your plans now?, I replied with a simple smile
then silence fell upon me….
“Right, what are my
plans? Do I even have one?”
I
don’t have any plans, why?...
Actually,
I can’t find anything to be excited about lately, or maybe I’m just looking at
the dark side that’s why I can’t see clearly, or maybe I’m just being realistic
enough.
…I’m
smiling yet I’m sad
…I’m
afraid yet I’m proud
Despite
of so many things that I should be thankful about, I just cant. Yes, I am
thankful but if I’m happy…I don’t know. I am really confused, what’s the
purpose of having all of this and being on where I am now when I can’t really
find myself anywhere and I don’t know where to go next. I’m starting to
question myself: “Did I made the right decision from the very beginning or did
I made another mistake. From this point, I know that there’s no turning back
and moving forward is my only choice (no, I know I have options, I’m just
hesitating to consider Plan B), I’m afraid to make the first step because I don’t
know which of these paths will I take and I don’t want to be rueful in the end. From
where I stand, I see nothing – only total darkness…
Now,
I am being choked by the shadows of my fears and doubts…
But
it seems like my dreams are on the other side of the road,
I’m
looking at it but I’m heading towards the opposite direction.
I
can choose, it’s either I’ll continue with my current destination or I can turn
back and start from the very beginning.
I’m
afraid…
Maybe my dreams are not worth it
Maybe I should stop believing in it
Maybe it is realistically impossible
Maybe…but what if…
I
don’t practice optimism very often, but I think only courage will sustain me
now.
I
will not make any plans but I’ll prepare my self…let’s see where will this road
take me and when I’ve finally found the answer, then I’ll decide. For now, all
I need to do is…
BELIEVE
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