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| photo from purpose fairy |
I was thrown here…
…abandoned, forgotten even.
I was left behind to face my own battle alone; well it has to be my battle on the first place, I just didn’t expect it to be this soon, I should have seen it coming but I didn’t… I am so lost, afraid, I feel frozen and emptiness fills my soul.
How can I even survive this? I am neither a warrior nor an experienced soldier. My simple skills only come from minor combats. I’ve never been into war and my greatest battle is yet to come, and now here I am...heading towards the battlefield in raw, unarmed. There’s only one weapon I chose to kept with me—FAITH. I hope that could sustain me through the battle, and hope it can keep me ALIVE.
I dare to ask but I stay motionless and speechless through the dark. Maybe I know that I am not in any position to ask Him on why certain things happen or why I end up here, because I have the full knowledge that it’s me who has sole responsibility over my actions. I led my self here, so I must find the way out. But I don’t plan of running, I will face this no matter how much it costs me, people may not understand but maybe along the journey, they may realize that there are certain battles we need to fight even if there was no sign of winning, even if most people thought it was pointless and ridiculous.
I need to fight back not because I want to let people see how tough I am, not even to prove myself to them, but to make myself believe that I will never accept my lost without even giving a damn good fight, without even trying to win. My battle will not be a matter of losing or winning, what will be important at the end of it is how I dealt the cards, how I struggle to continue and go through, of how I even tried to stand up despite the highest fall, of how I managed to stand firm despite shaky feet and slip-ups…at the end of all these, what matter most will be the fight itself. If I succeed then that’s a job well done, and if I failed then the experience will worth all the costs and maybe only by that time will I ever consider my self as a true warrior, a soldier of this life.
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I was once a traveler taking my journey, never expecting how its roads can transform me, sometimes we need to deal with the fact that we can’t expect people to bear with us because they too have their battles to fight for themselves…they too have their own DARK DAYS.
I can’t sustain my self with optimism all the time, I can’t always be the strongest, and even my courage sometimes fades. I’ve never won most of my battles, and my journeys were not all smooth but I’ve manage to survive, that’s because I tried, I never surrendered, and because I believe. And maybe because some of the lessons life taught me is that, not trying is far greater than failing and that failing doesn’t mean dying.
In this journey of life, not all roads are flat or smooth, not all seas are calm, and the weather is not always sunny, great storms may strike from time to time. There are certain battles that were not meant to be won, sometimes we need to lose-- despite of so much trying and of so much fighting-- not to break nor paralyze us but rather to teach us and to make us see who we really are (and that is to make us whole again).
I can’t rely on my strength forever, so I’ll go back to the basics… I’ll go back to God. In most battles, it is not the strongest or the bravest that win; it is the faithful who’ve survived until the end.
“…go to the deep, don’t be afraid. I am with you”
-Isaiah 14:05
